The Google+ discussion from yesterdays blog post about awareness and willingness being required for relational happiness continued today:
Totally not what I’m saying.
By being aware of the other persons willingness and ability we can know if they’re the person to be with. It’s not about accepting them for who they are…it’s about being honest with yourself about whether a given person can and will give you what you want.
You’re saying the same thing as me, except you’re trying to make it sound all mystical and spiritual in the way that women(especially) and silly romantics in general love to hear.
To which I replied:
Ah, I see what you’re saying, thanks. That point is easy to say, and it is could be correct, but without a framework there is no method for people to tangibly act upon it. Again, it’s something that we’ve been saying for decades, but it has yet to improve relationships or martial happiness.
The issue with that approach is that people may think they know what they want, but rarely does that lead to selecting the correct mate. Just look at Sandra Bullock’s selection of Jesse James! She may very well have decided he could give her everything she wanted, but just looking at the lives of the two, it seems apparent they were not aligned.
Far from mystical and spiritual, The Mirror Effect, 6 Steps, and Magical Matches teaches people a distinctly different, tangible approach to dating and relationships–one that is completely opposite of the 50 year-old traditional approach.
In short, The Mirror Effect says that when two people who are extremely alike meet, they can experience a rare, unique connection that leads to the deepest of loves. Basically, in looking for your mirror or twin, you have the chance to discover a deep connection with extremely high natural affinity.
With a framework in place, what remains is to create a new dating and relationship progression that works to enable the Mirror Effect framework. That’s where the 6 Steps come in.
Step 1 is to write a Mirror Profile which is written about the deep heart and soul. Superficial profiles lead to superficial connection (which is the first step on the path to the failed traditional relationship). Deep profiles lead to deep connections. The profile provides the foundation for two people to be naturally aligned to fulfill each other’s needs and desires. They don’t have to think about it, it just happens.
Step 2 is to Filter the responses to the Mirror Profile looking for an emphatic response. “Wow! Your profile described me sooo well! It really touched me.” Only with that response does a person open the Date Gate and go on a date.
Step 3 is Connection. A first date is not used to build a connection, but to discover if a connection already exists. If there is no deep, amazing, grounded connection, there is never a second date. When the right connection is found, it is, again, very natural and incredibly strong. In essence, the relationship chooses the couple, not the other way around. (This is actually the opposite of having to deciding if this person can and will give you what you want)
Step 4 is Selection. Even though the couple is now experiencing an amazing, deep connection and relationship, in Step 4 we actually measure the levels of mirroring between the people to ensure that they are properly aligned. The Magical Matches website provides questionnaires which produces actual graphs of the couple’s alignment. The rest of the way that the Mirror Effect works to highlight the differences between the couple is too long to explain here, but suffice to say that the very differences that lead to divorce become painfully clear when you’re highly mirrored with someone.
Step 5 is to Let Go. Mirror Law #1 says “If it’s work, it’s wrong”. A relationship that requires work is the wrong relationship, the wrong person to select. Because the foundation for a mirror relationship is high alignment, people can easily see what is and isn’t aligned, so it is possible to let go quickly. With mirroring, there is no need for lengthy dating. It’s very difficult to find the right mate if you have to date each one for a year before making a decision.
Step 6 is Commitment. Make your search for deep love a mission. People make a plan and actively pursue a career—and are successful at it— but they fail to use the same approach for finding love, which is part of the reason they fail. When it is a mission, it will be successful.
I believe finding and choosing a deep love partner goes way beyond, and is actually different, than just deciding whether a partner can and will give you what you need. That approach, without a substantial framework, leads to the traditional dating and relationship progression for which the destination is unhappiness and divorce.
If we are to change the current reality, then we must change the entire paradigm from the ground up. The foundation, the framework, the progression, even the online dating site, must be integrated and work together to help people find the deep love and natural affinity that Gibran wrote about and that most people are looking for today.
The traditional approach and relationship are like a virus–a virus where half the people die.
It’s time for a cure.
The concept that one must decide if a potential partner can and will provide what is needed is basically a correct statement, but it is so overly broad that it’s impossible to use as a method to perform proper partner selection. It leaves open too many questions: What precisely do you need to have a successful relationship? How do you know for sure if they can or will give it over the long term? How do you go about finding that person? What will the relationship dynamics be from that relationship? Easy? Difficult? Thriving? Argumentative? The statement might be right, but in lacking any sort of substantial foundation, the searcher is almost certainly going to select incorrectly and wind up with a traditional compromise, friction, and work relationship.
This is why it is imperative to build a new and completely integrated dating and relationship paradigm from the ground up. All of the parts–the type of relationship, the relationship dynamics, the type of love, the steps to find that love, even the dating site–all must be designed to work together so that people can both understand and implement a solution that leads to the types of relationships that people are searching for today: an age I call the Romantic Renaissance.
Until people embrace a new approach, they will continue to be disappointed in their dating and relationships.
Remember, insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result.
Let’s stop the insanity!
Using the Mirror Effect, when Troy found Judy, their connection was so strong that they fell in love on their first date and were engaged in two months. Together now for five years, they share a deep love relationship of ease and harmony without the work.
Troy can be reached for questions or comments at firstname.lastname@example.org.