Relationship experts tell us that we need to learn to compromise in order to find and keep a relationship. We’re told relationships are work. We’re told that friction and arguments are not only normal, but healthy.
In turn, whether we realize it or not, we exercise the 3As during the course of dating, relationships, and long into marriage.
What are the 3As?
Accept. Appreciate. Adapt.
During the course of finding someone to love, we follow the common wisdom and learn to accept, appreciate and adapt to the differences between us and our partners. It doesn’t matter if his perspectives occasionally infuriate us or if her little habits drive us completely bonkers, we must learn to accept and appreciate those little unique parts of the love-of-our-life. Consequently, we adapt to the differences between us and our partner as we grow relationships.
Everyone knows that, right?
Wrong.
The problem is this: Eventually, maybe many years down the road, you grow weary of your partner’s crazy-makin’ characteristics. You begin to wish that he or she was just more like you. You start to work at your relationship. Talking to friends. Books. Counselors. You work to build better listening and communication skills. Along the way, you spend thousands of dollars and consume a banquet smorgasbord of relationship coping mechanisms.
In the end, odds are good that a plateful of relationship survival skills won’t make enough of a difference. When the last exquisite reserve of your tolerance has been exhausted, you’ll either have to kill…or divorce. At some point in the downward spiral, it won’t make any difference. Either alternative will do nicely.
Herein lies the dichotomy. You are told you must accept, appreciate and adapt in order to have a relationship, but doing so eventually makes you want to ditch your partner.
And so, the fatal flaw in the traditional relationship framework is exposed: We adapt in order to find love, but the stuff we adapt to eventually kills the the love we have.
The course of traditional dating focuses on what matches between a couple without any attempt to highlight the differences. With no way to substantially and tangibly examine these differences, the default course is to follow the traditional 3A advice. But exercising the 3As bakes into the foundation of our relationships the very differences that later cause the breakup. The 3As are akin to pre-loading the divorce gun.
From this pattern of dating and relationship insanity there is only one escape: Forge a new dating and relationship framework based upon a completely different relationship paradigm. Instead of the target being relationships are work, the new target must be relationships are NOT work.
A Loveship is the no-work relationship. We’ll TroyTalk more about that later.
About Troy
After divorcing from a 22 year traditional relationship of compromise, friction, and work, Troy discovered the Mirror Effect on a first date. The discovery had such a profound impact that it completely changed his views on dating and relationships.
Using the Mirror Effect, when Troy found Judy, their connection was so strong that they fell in love on their first date and were engaged in two months. Together now for five years, they share a deep love relationship of ease and harmony without the work.
Together with Team Bloved, Troy and Judy work to put singles on a path to finding a unique type of connection and love that doesn’t lead to a 50% divorce rate. The Dating for True Love System rebuilds dating and relationships from the ground up to lead daters to finding those who are naturally meant for them — the deep, harmonious, easy love that singles are looking for today.
Troy’s email box is always open! He enthusiastically encourages you to reach out with your questions or comments. troy@bloved.com.
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